AlmaTanguera

Are we always going to be together like this?
I dunno...
I dunno.

I remember well that moment
When we were murmuring things like this,
To each other's ears,
In each other's arms,
Like what we were always going to be.
I remember well,
I remember
That safe safe feeling.

Three years later
We went our own ways;
Eight years after that
You were taken away.

Loneliness, my loyal companion.

Did I ask something wrong?
Did I?!
Did I utter something
That perhaps should have never been uttered?
If I had never asked you that,
Would we have always stayed together??

Silent tears rolling down
From the corners of my eyes.
I don't know why
I don't know
Why such memories come haunting me
While I'm extracting my ab muscles
On a hard bed of pilates?

I like tangoing with women. It's fun! The challenge though is that there aren't many of us who can lead. But in Buenos Aires, we have better chances. And I am going to learn how to lead.

I guess when a woman leads a woman, it's easier for us to reach a harmony. At least, this is in my experience. It's much more relaxing. The tension is gone. The rest is just fun.

Having said that, dancing with a woman is no substitute to dancing with a man. It's all a very different sensation. And I still love dancing with that man, in whose warm and hearty embrace I feel so protected and treasured!

He is so interested, warm and keen.
We spend the whole night talking, singing, DANCING.
And that farewell embrace makes me feel
As if I'd at last anchored on safe shore,
After a long and tiring voyage
On a rough sea.

Only a few days have elapsed,
When we sit at the same table again in a milonga.
But this time,
Not a mere word exchanged between us,
Nor a single invitation
For a dance.

I no longer behold that burning fire for tango,
The tides are receding.
Though I still feel them rising when I dance,
It also feels ok when I don't.
I didn't for a year after all.

The sea is still there,
Calmly waiting.
I know she will always be.
Just I am lost,
Tired of floating floating...

I shall not quote the names of the masters for fear of misquoting. But these are the best I've learnt...so far.

On embrace (el abrazo)

'Hold your partner like a BABY.
If you hold her too tight, you hurt her.
If you hold her too loose, you drop her.'

'Forget that you are dancing tango,
Embrace your partner like embracing a good old friend!'

On posture (la postura)

'Stand tall like a rising fountain,
with your limbs falling like the water that falls from the top.'

On decorations (los adornos)

'Be ugly!'

How tired we are from trying so hard to be perfect and beautiful!
What a relief to learn that we should be nothing but our very true selves.

When B told me a notion she learnt from one of Esteban and Claudia's classes, I knew something was calling.

El tango te espera.

Tango seems to attract obsessive men and women who have a burning desire to learn, to progress, to prove, to become the best dancers they can be, to rub shoulders or more importantly chests with the best and well-known dancers in the milongas of BsAs and around the world. I understand, I understand. The magical power of tango. Once captured by it, that's it! We hand ourselves over. My hat off to all the efforts and passion spent. But maybe, I think, maybe we should hold ourselves back a little bit, just a little bit.

When I heard 'el tango te espera', something lit up in front of my eyes. I saw the image of that 93-year-old milonguero in Sunderland BsAs, dancing with his 87-year-old wife. It was his birthday that day. They danced a Poema to celebrate. In their humble outfits and well-worn dancing shoes, they moved with each other ever so simply, sweetly, with such grace, dignity, and in great harmony. Watching them dance brought tears to my eyes. It takes a 70-year long marriage to dance like that. No express course or speed learning can shoot us to that level of harmony. It takes time and, more importantly, hearts that are prepared to wait and mature. In the much shabbier neighbourhood milongas of Buenos Aires which are less frequented by tourists and fashionable young dancers, one still gets to see anonymous and frail couples dancing like the one in Sunderland that night. When they dance, you see their youth returning. You feel a celebration of a long long life together. They are not dancing tango. They are tango.

One of my favourite quotes from my ancestor Lao Tse is 'to wish but not desire, to love but not own'. This, I think, also applies to tango.

El tango te espera.

After spending a whole week sleeping, eating, doing virtually nothing,
I finally ventured out to the milonga scene this week.
Maybe I'm the only tango tourist in town
Who wasn't busy dancing, taking classes and dancing more.
Even I was wondering what the hell I came all the way here for.
Maybe I didn't come to Buenos Aires for tango after all.

OK, I did take classes after classes when I was first here almost 3 years ago.
I danced day and night night and day till I could no more.
So on my third trip back to BsAs,
It's only natural to take things a lot easier.
This time I just want to relax,
To dance as much or as little as I wish,
To live like the locals,
To watch,
To absorb a life that can't be more different from the origin of mine.
I want to know what is that thing that makes Argentine tango tick.
I want to know a bigger world that is and isn't tango.

Of course it's only a fantasy wishing to live like the locals.
For I don't look like one, nor do I speak like one.
What's more, tango tourists seem to be the best prey of all.
Every time I land in town,
My tango teachers double the prices if not more,
Never mind the beautiful Comme Il Faut.

But that wonderful wonderful feeling that arises and fills your chest
And your whole body
The moment you enter a milonga.
This can only be felt in Buenos Aires.
You don't even need to dance.
Just sitting here sipping a cafecito listening to the music is enough.
That undescribable sensation of joy.

I know I'm looking for a new place to live.
A new house to rest my soul.
I've been living with a suitcase for nearly a year and a half now.
Where are you to be found, home sweet home???